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You Know You Screwed Up When
 Your girl was arrested after allegedly grabbing your testicles, and squeezing them ‘until they were bleeding’

My Guess, Someone Had The Munchies
Vandals reportedly steal whoopie pies in Skowhegan Lions Club break-in

Trump Derangement Syndrome is Real
Florida woman told cops she stabbed herself three times in the stomach because of President Trump:

A Doper In Action
Authorities in California said a fake license plate that listed the wrong name for the state led to the arrest of a truck driver. The driver of the truck ended up arrested on drug charges, driving without a license and having an active warrant for his arrest.

This Reply Is Now Being Taught Everywhere
Florida man claimed cocaine on his nose ‘was not his,’ deputies say

A Teen caught speeding in  Canada told police a Real Gooder
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Manitoba stopped the 16-year-old for going 170 kilometers-per-hour. That's about 105 miles-per-hour. According to the Mounted Police, the teen said he had too many hot wings and needed a bathroom right away.

​You Are The Man?
A Greenwich Village man was allegedly robbed by a date he met on Grindr — but told cops he couldn’t scream for help because he had “a jock strap and ball gag in his mouth,” police sources said 

Have It...............Our Way
Burger King Employee filmed mopping table tops after cleaning the floors

 Is it just me or are they really dumb?
Today we have a collection of some really dumb people who can’t even tell time.