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Why Did the Bear go to the Liquor Store?
Because the coolies are cold and the prices are great at Crazy Bruce’s. Last Monday, the liquor store at the Shop Rite Plaza in Bristol got perhaps its most unusual visitor ever: A black bear.

Everyone Wants to Go to Stoughton
There have been wild turkeys in the downtown area harassing people. Now there are bigger wildlife issues to deal with.  Police in Massachusetts were dispatched to deal with a shocking discovery Saturday after a resident found a boa constrictor beneath the hood of a car.

Karma…..You Get What You Get
Man attempting armed robbery dies after customers shoot him

Karma…..You Get What You Give
SACRAMENTO, Calif. - Two men who were killed early Sunday after a vehicle collision caused a fight on Interstate 5 in Natomas were identified Monday. 

Records Are To Be Broken
A Spanish driver astounded police this weekend when he was found to be under the influence of every drug officers could check for
 
Dilly Dilly Lives
The Cleveland Browns will have a little help celebrating if their team ever wins a game. Until then, they will be taunted by a locked fridge of beer at local bars and around the Browns stadium.
Bud Light will place the fridges of Bud Light that will automatically unlock as soon as the Browns win their first game and distribute free beer around Cleveland to fans that we're sure will already be delirious with happiness.

Progressive Progress
SF forming Poop Patrol to keep sidewalks clean

Americans Standing Tall
America's hottest export? Sperm
 
This Weeks TDS
At a gathering of business executives last week in New Jersey, Boston Beer Co. founder Jim Koch praised President Trump’s tax-cut plan as allowing his firm to compete with foreign breweries fairly. This was clearly too much to handle for Joe “Comie” Curtatone, the Mayor of Somerville, Massachusetts. He rushed to his Twitter account to declare that he was done drinking the local brew for good.  MORE