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​He Got Off Alright
Accused perv gets off in subway masturbation case after large-penis defense

Ouch!
A 43-year-old Missouri woman has been arrested and charged with sexual abuse and domestic assault after she allegedly beat and sexually assaulted her boyfriend. The woman struck her unnamed boyfriend ‘approximately 20-25 times with an open and closed fist. Additionally, she allegedly attacked the man with a belt, brass plate, and cell phone.
Furthermore, in addition to the attacks, she “chased him around the home in the nude” before she pushed him on the ground, straddled his face, and demanded that he “eat ***- ****?”. According to an arrest report obtained by The Smoking Gun,

Wonder If They Cleaned The House
A landscaper was charged with voyeurism after police said he got into a sticky situation with a co-worker.Robert Somley, 52, was arrested after a 48-year-old female associate complained that Somley had secretly taken video of her while the two of them were naked and dribbling maple syrup on their body’s, In addition to the syrup, police said the couple engaged in foreplay with blueberry jelly.
Police said the woman confessed that this sight was a “turn on” for her and she demanded to be allowed to participate. In addition to the syrup, police said the couple engaged in foreplay with blueberry jelly. More
 
Talk About Having a Bad Day
A California man was stabbed in eye with drumstick, released from hospital, then struck by car

Cruel and Unusual Punishment 
 Police say a man held another man at gunpoint, bound him to a chair and then told him he could choose between death in the desert or having a nail hammered through his genitals. More